If I just try a little harder

I reflect on my nagging, my bitterness and resentment precariously constructed from years of misguided Disney expectations of what love looks like. I simply want the person I chose (on the basis of their delightfully contrasting nature) to be exactly who I need them to be. But perhaps I am the problem, it is I keeping them from loving me as I dream, enabling the behavior I abhor. So I decide to do better.

I just want to be a person worth loving.

How telling of our cultural mindset, that after typing a sentence declaring my desire to be a better human, I start typing ‘I am…’ and my phone autocorrected to ‘I am.. sorry.’ 

That’s my default too. I’ll do better. Here’s my new resolution. My renewed commitment to change and be who you need me to be so you can be who I need you to be. 

I am gently reminded, I am already worth loving. I am already loved. 

Nothing I do, or don’t do, makes me worth loving.

I am loved. This love thing is an inside out job.

I can only love because our Creator first loved me. 

I am invited to get down daily, even momentarily, and roll around in all the delightful attention I desire from Jesus. Once I am thoroughly saturated, then my love can overflow to those I have chosen to do life with, hopefully spurring us all on to love well. Because we are all loved, and worth loving.