The God who runs

Two things have struck me this week.

The realisation that perhaps I still want to do the right thing to try and be pleasing to God. When maybe the right thing is to know I please God and the right flows from that. 

And the second striking truth - that God isn't a distant father who sits at home angry and resentful. He is the God who joyously runs towards our seeking heart.

In a season where I am feigning indifference in the hope of self preservation - the concept of running towards potential heartache feels really scary. 

There is a displaced gentleman who resides near the bridge in front of the hospital named Mickey. This is his zone. He keeps an old broom hidden under the bridge and sweeps the path clean early each morning. The couple I used to stop and chat with here moved on to a new spot as Mickey won back his territory. I have relationship with the previous couple. I had come to an arrangement with myself in which I kept any $5 note that came my way for them - until they were no longer there and I lost the habit of keeping a snack and cash at the ready. One day they surprised me on my work morning 'just to see me'. I was distraught that I was unprepared and had nothing financial to offer. Since then I keep a more generous gift handy exclusivly for them. On Monday I felt prompted to give their cash and snack pack to Mickey. 

Then I overthought it. It was buried deep in my pack. It would be awkward to stand there fishing around for it. We are in a lean season with money and it was a decent amount I'd need to then replenish from our stock. Also Mickey is always here, what if he expects money from me every time? His situation is complex and long standing, it's not my concern, I can't do anything to make any real change so why bother?

All this sensible reasoning did nothing except leave me uneasy whenever this memory came to mind over the next few days. In hindsight I would have easily given the money simply to buy peace of mind on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 

Come Friday my mind was made up. I tucked the gift into my pocket before leaving my car. As the familiar hunched figure came into sight, I started - he was walking away from his spot! He was crossing the street! Gah! I now I had another decision to make.  I don't even need to walk past him today. Should I save it for Monday? Perhaps this was a test and like Abraham and I didn't really need to sacrifice the money as God saw my heart was ready to give? Then a still small voice said 'I am the God who runs'. I silenced my mind, jogged across the street, calling after Mickey to give him my gift. He smiled and thanked me. God's spirit leapt within me, that glorious feeling of knowing God's will is being done. I walked into my day joyous, humbled by a God who runs towards me, continuously offering to fill me up with the love to run towards others.